Soulmates
by barbiegirlxoxo
Summary: Edward Cullen is half of a whole. He's been reborn over and over again for centuries, and each and every time he's shared this destiny with his soulmate, Bella. But what happens when the circle is broken?
1. Chapter 1:  Preface

**Preface**

Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, Ashland 1923

The only thing I can think about is Bella.

My soul is literally hurting just by thinking about her. It is obvious the biggest piece of my heart and soul is missing, and I can't – I simply refuse - to live on without her.

I'm making it my mission to track her down as fast as possible, turn her and live happily ever after. Just as I promised her we would from the beginning.

To describe Bella is a mission I'd longed to be able to do myself for a long time. The easiest way to do it is by simple saying she is just.. _Bella._

For centuries Bella and I had been reborn. Put on this Earth simply to find each other again. We never knew quite why, but we didn't really need to know either: We had each other, each and every time, and we were always happy together. It didn't matter if we had money or not. It didn't matter if we had a roof over our heads either. We always found something to get along anyway.

We had children, plenty, and many. It was hectic and hard. It was never easy, but we always managed to smile through it and be happy, because we knew no matter how bad things got – we'd always have another try in a new life.

And that life would always be spent together.

Truly there was only one time I didn't manage to catch her before it was too late. It was in 1809 and that era of my life was hell. I knew the man she was married off to was a kind man, Mr. James, and he never hurt her. For that I will be him forever grateful.

I did find myself a wife at that time too. I am a man after all. Quite frankly I needed someone to keep my bed warm when Bella wouldn't be there to help me with that. Tanya was the name of the woman I married. She was from Slovakia and her father offered her to me after they'd escaped. I had a small cottage, and I needed someone to cheer me up a bit. Tanya was good at that.  
>We had a good life together and even though I didn't love her as I would have loved Bella, I enjoyed her company for the time being. We had three sons together, and I later found out that Bella and her husband had two little girls together as well.<p>

It didn't feel like Bella had cheated on me, but she felt that way. We knew it was a risk there would always be present, and it had to happen at some point. The next time we were reborn together, she was heartbroken. She couldn't stop crying, and it didn't take long for her sorrow to take over, and she died young. _Too young._ I couldn't live without her so I joined her in death – to a new beginning together again.

We were happy when we woke up to a new life together again. She'd been beyond worried I couldn't forgive her, but she was wrong. There was never anything to forgive her for. She would always be mine, no matter what would happen.

But in this life I'd have an advantage.

I had forever and I'd present it to her with such pride I'd burst.

The last time we'd spend together, was in 1918. We were young, probably the youngest we'd ever been together, and it had been a completely coincidence we'd bumped into each other again.

I'd been in Washington to visit some relatives with my mother, and when we were walking down the streets of my mother's old childhood street, I saw Bella.

She was walking on the other sidewalk, arm in arm with her father. She looked like she was missing a piece of herself, and I knew just exactly how that felt.

One look into each other's eyes and everything would be relived again. Every touch, every kiss, every moment of our lives would be seen again – good and bad. It would come back to us with a splash.

We'd never completely loose the memories to begin with, but they'd always be fading until the moment we were together again. The moment we'd see each other again would work as if it was magic.

In 1917 I looked at her all over again, smiled and my destiny was sealed once again.

It really was like magic that day in 1918 we got married in Chicago. They happiness didn't last long though, and before I knew it both of my parents had caught the Spanish Flu. They died fast and I feared Bella would catch it, so I did my best to keep her save and away from it all. Along the way of making sure she was alright I'd already caught it myself.

Bella was pregnant and all I focused about was her and I could care about myself later. Or so I thought. But no matter how hard I'd tried to get her away from it all, she wouldn't leave my side. She cried for days, and it only made me bet sicker, then one day she brought in a doctor I'd never seen before.

She said I'd be safe with him, and even to this day I wonder if she knew what he was – what he was capable of doing - because the last thing I remember from before I opened my eyes to this new life, was a blonde haired male with yellow eyes telling Bella he'd make me better.

The hair and the eyes belonged to the most genuine person I've ever met: _Carlisle Cullen._ The doctor Bella had made me put my faith into.

He did the right thing by changing me – I know that now.

All I have to do now is wait.

And survive this endless pain, being without Bella creates. I knew it is worth it though, because someday I'll get to see my woman again, and this time we'll have forever.

**The Cullen's living room – 1987**

Alice and Jasper have been having a quite interesting conversation actually. It doesn't happen that often, so I've listened intensely through Jasper's mind to see just exactly where it is going. Alice has been trying to drag both Jasper and Esme with her on a shopping trip to Paris for the last week, which has also been the only subject Alice has desired to talk about for the time being too, so this change of heart Alice has suddenly come into is definitely captivating.

No one likes to have a mad dwarf in the house, especially not if the dwarfs name is Alice..

Jasper hasn't had sex for 7 days because Alice is mad at him, so I'm honestly getting tired of the moaning around this house.

When Jasper doesn't get sex he gets cranky. And when Jasper gets cranky Emmett feels the need to bother him. And when Emmett wants to bother Jasper, it usually leaves one of them without a head for an hour or two.

Its pain to be around sometimes, but it kills time and that's always something. Especially when you're the one that gets to explore the insides of their minds as well..

Life is tough in this place.

I sigh out loud as I look out the panorama window Esme had installed last week. It gives me a direct overview of the river in the garden. It looks so peaceful, the water is running down the little waterfall and into Esme's little garden and around the little lake she's made – It's beautiful.

Esme has a thing when it comes to decor, and she is good at it too, definitely no denying that.

The family has been expanded, to say the least, since my transformation.

Esme joined our little two-men-coven in 1923 when Carlisle and I'd been in Ashland, and she made us into a family and not just a coven anymore. She became the heart of the family too. Esme is the most kind and laidback woman I've met in ages. It didn't take long before her and Carlisle admitted their feelings towards each other, and got married not long after her transformation, and before long, in New York 1935, Carlisle added another member to the family. Rosalie Hale.

Rosalie is a bit more set aside and snobbish than the rest of us. She was a pain to have around the house before she met Emmett.

Emmett was a mindless young man thinking it was smart to battle a bear in the forest as he tried to impress his friends. He certainly didn't impress anyone other than Rosalie, and reserving a ticket to vampirism was all he got out of it anyway. Rosalie brought him back to Carlisle in 1937 and he changed her in hopes Rosalie and him would find a way to each other's hearts. And they did.

_Trust me they did._

I'm glad the two of them live in their own house at the moment. Let's leave it at that.

In 1950 life had gotten boring and my search for Bella hadn't gone a step closer to where I wanted it to go, but suddenly one day a tiny little black haired girl stepped into our lives. She brought along a solider from another time, _her mate_, Jasper.

Jasper is unique. Intelligent, and a very kind man. Unlike Emmett, I use Jasper to stay sane while I use Emmett to be reckless and have mindless of fun. It's a balance only I know how to walk.

And to get back to Alice, well, Alice probably saved my life to put it mildly. When Carlisle welcomed them into our lives in 1950, she looked at me, smiled as she thought, _"don't worry; you'll find your Bella soon enough."_

.. Therefore I like her. A lot.

It was much easier to talk to anyone after Alice and Jasper joined the family. First they have powers too, extraordinary things they are able to, just like I literally can't stay out of other people's minds. Jasper controls feelings while Alice plays around with the future, and second it's a relief to have them around because they know what it is to love someone higher than anything else.

And speaking of Alice and Jasper they were having an interesting conversation I was eavesdropping on..

"_.. don't think it's fair you won't go with me to Paris when I went to the store with you last week to check out that uniform you wanted!" _Alice snapped at him.

_This will never go right. If I ever want sex again I have to give in at some point_, Jasper thought as he rolled his eyes.

I sighed on his behalf. Poor man. It will never be funny to argue with Alice.

Just as I had hoped they'd get over it.

_No, just as you've hoped they'd go to Paris so that you could get some peace and quietness_, my own little inner voice screamed at me, and I nodded. I couldn't agree more. There was no denying that.

As much as I loved Alice, she was quite the handful. The only way I knew Jasper hadn't killed her yet was because he loves her to death – just like I love Bella.

"_No Jasper! That's not fair you said the last time that –"_her voice ebbed out as something in her mind caught my interests. She gasped and focus altered to her.

Her mind suddenly filled with a vision:

_A beautiful brown hair woman is walking down the aisle to a man with a mustache waiting for her at the altar. He is smiling. He's seems happy._

***fade to black***

_The minister's practiced voice is spelling out the sentence:"Charlie Swan, will you take Renée Higginbotham to be your wedded wife, to love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, and forsaking all others, keep you only unto her, for so long as you both shall live?" he asked as what I presumed was Charlie – the man with the mustache._

_His eyes are full of happy tears when he says the words "I do."_

_The brown hair woman – Renée – is tearing up as the minister makes her repeat the words, and she says her "I do" at the man with the mustache – Charlie as well._

***fade to black***

_There is bed. There is Renée and Charlie and they are undressing each other fast. They fall onto the bed as they are kissing each other hectically. She rips of his boxes as she steps out of her panties, as they disappear under the quilt as Renée giggles._

***fade to black***

_Renée is looking thoughtful as she is looking out the window. There is something that is missing, she just can't figure out what exactly _is_ missing._

The place seems familiar to Alice, she quickly places it's as Forks, the small town I lived in with Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie and Emmett in 1936 and with Alice and Jasper as well in the ending of 1950.

_Renée looks around the house. She looks in the kitchen; she is sitting at the little table under the window as she look up at the yellow cabinets. – She painted them that color to bring some light into the house._

_What exactly _is _missing? She is thinking.._

_Then it hits her. _

_She's late._

***Fade to black***

_She picks out a pregnancy test at the town shop._

***fade to black***

_Renée is looking at the pregnancy test with mock terror. There are two lines. _

_She's pregnant. _

_She looks into the mirror in front of her. Her hand flies to her stomach, and she looks herself in the eyes._

She's having a baby.

_She smiles at herself as she nods._

_She having a baby and it's the best thing that has probably ever happened to her, she thinks._

***fade to black***

_Renée is sitting at the dinner table with Charlie. She can't eat. She needs to tell him, but she's scared._

_How will he react? They've only been married for three months? Is it too soon?_

_It's becoming hard to keep the words in, so she decides to get it off her chest. She puts her fork down as she clears her throat:_

"_Charlie. Something happened." Her insecure voice says, "I'm pregnant."_

_He drops his fork surprised._

_To her surprise he smiles. He rises from the chair and sweeps her off her feet as he kisses her so passionately she nearly passes out._

_They are happy_

***fade to black***

_Renée's stomach grows bigger and bigger over the months. Charlie is excited. So is she. She learns how to knit – making baby clothes – and she is excitingly decorating the nursery. _

***fade to black***

_Renée is panting desperatey. It is fall, and it's raining outside, and she is trying to shake Charlie awake. She knows he's been working all night, but he needs to wake up. _

"_What is it?" Charlie's sleeping voice says._

"_The baby is coming." Renée pants._

_He's awake now._

***fade to black***

_Renée is in the delivery room. She's in labour and she keeps pushing. The doctor's keep telling her to push, and suddenly a beautiful baby girl announces her arrival to the world with a scream._

"_A beautiful baby girl, born 6:20 AM, on this Sunday morning." The doctor announces._

_The baby is being placed on Renée's breast. Charlie and Renée are having their moment. They see their daughter for the first time._

But it feels as if the baby is looking at me through Alice's vision.

_**Brown eyes**__. _

_My world stops spinning. _

It's Bella.

_**It's my Bella**__, and she's in Alice's vision._

_My world starts spinning again when Charlie and Renée in unison say:_

"_It's our Isabella. Welcome to the world sweetheart." _

***fade to black***

_Isabella is sleeping in her cradle at the hospital. The little note at the head saying: "it's a girl" also says she's born on the 13__th__ of September 1987._

***fade to black***

I'm gaping obvious. Jasper's eyes are almost squeezed shot as he tries to figure out what the hell is going on.

I haven't even realized that Alice and I have both stood up during her vision and made eye contact.

She smiled fondly at me as she nodes smiling, "You saw it yourself Edward. The waiting is almost over."

And she's right.

It is.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I'm hoping to start this up again after New Year's. I hope you'll like the alteriations. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**** Edward POV ****

**The Cullen house– 17th of January 1987**

"What do you want in Forks, Edward?" Rosalie said in a demanding voice, "You saw it for yourself; Renée won't even give birth until September and the baby might not even be conceived yet. Do you want to be there for that as well? Jesus, Edward. Get a grip of reality, _please!_ What exactly is your plan? You've got to have one of some kind, because you simply cannot just bump into The Swans' life, and say 'oh, hallo, I'm your future son-in-law.' Please tell me what you have in mind." Rosalie nagged as she rolled her eyes at me. _I bet you don't even have one,_ she thought directly to me as she tried to get eye contact with me.

I tried my best to avoid it.

"I don't know Rosie." I answered honestly as I ruffled my hair in frustration. "All I know is that I want to be there." I shrugged as if it would be obvious.

_Christ, he's completely lost his mind now_, she thought as she rolled her eyes again.

"Rosalie. She is the love of my life - always have been and always will be – give me a break here, okay? Wouldn't you do the same if this was Emmett we were talking about?"

She was battling with her own thoughts, and I couldn't quite get a grip of what she was thinking. She was definitely trying to keep something from me; she couldn't quite do it straight though, so I heard the words slip from her mind almost silently.

Her eyes locked with me as she chose to speak the words now that I'd heard them in her mind first.

"You can't just leave." She said in a small voice– she didn't want the others to hear what she was saying. "I'll miss you if you leave for so long." She said while she looked down onto the ground and tried to avoid my look.

_Alice will miss you too, you know that. Imagine how many shopping trips you'll end up sending Jasper onto because you're leaving already. It'll take many trips to the mall for Alice to get out of the depression you'll be reasonable for, Edward. Please, just – _she sighed as she looked me in the eyes as she thought_: Just reconsider it, Edward. Please, it's all I'm asking. _

"I'm not saying you can't leave, I'm just saying we'll miss you if you leave so soon." She explained, "Alice was almost shattered into pieces when she had the vision of you leaving for so many years!"

"I know Rosalie! I know!" I screamed in frustration at her. My hands flew in the air as I felt the need to scream my lungs at her. I knew it wasn't really Rosalie's fault that I was this frustrated, but she definitely didn't help me much by playing 20 questions all of a sudden.

All she was doing was filling me up with even more guilt than she already had.

"Don't you think I'll miss all of you too?" I asked her as my voice turned soft.

I looked into her golden eyes as she just shook her head in obvious disbelief. This was typical Rosalie. It was like teaching an old dog a new trick.

_I'm just thinking about Alice here_, she thought as she looked me in the eyes again. She got distracted as she found something in my eyes that reminded me of her past. She looked to the side as a small part of her screamed at her to tell me that she'd really be the one missing me the most.

I couldn't help but smile a bit. I'd been one of the first people she met when she woke up to this life. I'd always been there for her, even in the times where Rosalie had been scared, angry and obviously thirsty. There was a time where I'd been her only friend. I was the only one who really understood her given my gift.

"I understand you, Rosalie. I do, but it's not like I am going to forget any of you. I'll still come and visit, but you also have to understand that Bella is the only thing that really matters to me. Do you understand that my soul mate will finally be reborn and she'll be standing by my side again soon? This is what I've been waiting for!"

She nodded as she looked down to the floor of my room, "I do, but I just wish you wouldn't leave us already. I know that you feel like you need to be there, but you have us here, and .." she paused as she thought, _I don't want you to leave._

I sighed softly as I walked over to her and brought her into a hug. Hugs in this family weren't common unless it was Alice we were talking about. She hugged everyone at every opportunity she could get, so Rosalie didn't feel quite comfortable in my hug, but that didn't stop me from hugging her tighter.

She needed to understand that I'd be back, and that I wasn't planning on leaving for good.

"I'll still be your friend, Rose. I always will, but you know just as well as the others that Bella is all I've been waiting for. You should know better than to try and stop me."

"I know, Edward." She said as she broke free from the hug. "Just, don't, you know." She shrugged awkwardly as she let her mind do the speaking instead,

_Well, I expect you to call at least once a week. Alice will probably be killing us all with her babbling, so you have to check up on us, and you have to remember to send us Christmas presents. That's an order by the way – it's not a request_, she thought.

I tried to repress the smile which was spreading across my lips, but I couldn't' wipe the smirk off my face.

"I'll remember. I promise."

Rosalie nodded, and to my surprise she started helping me pack for my extended trip to Forks. I was only really bringing a few things with me, but it still meant a lot to me that she'd help.

The most important thing I was bringing along was a yellow knitted lion - Alice had given it to me in 1956 and said that I'd one day need it for when I'd see Bella again.

Alice had named the lion, Happiness. I never knew why, but she said I'd one day know why she'd given it exactly just that name. I knew I'd be passing it along to Bella as soon as an opportunity would strike.

"I guess it's now you're leaving?" Rosalie said with a sad edge to her voice.

I nodded softly, "It is, yes. You might not understand why at the moment, but one day you will. Just take care of yourself, and try not to let Emmett get away with too much, okay? I've already said goodbye to the others. Just try to remember that I'm not leaving for good, it's just temporarily, okay?" I said as I kissed her cheek.

_I'll see you soon, please try to stay out of trouble_, she thought kindly at me as she smiled softly.

"I'll do my best." I said as I made my final jump out of the window of my room. As I started running and threw a last glare back at the house, I saw each of my family members wave their final goodbyes before I left. It was all very odd for them to say goodbye to me, since I'd always been there with them.

_Stay safe, my son. That's what's the most important._ Carlisle thought kindly as he waved softly.

I threw my suitcase over my shoulder as I smiled, "Don't worry about me. Wait for my call one of these days." I said to them as I threw my glare ahead of me, and really put some speed into my running.

Esme was already looking forward to the call, but Alice knew she'd be the one to answer the phone when I'd be calling.

_She'd make sure of that._

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Don't expect daily updates just yet. I hope you all had a great New Year's! :o) **


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Forks – 20th of March 1987

I felt like a stalker. Literally.

I was sitting outside Chief Swan's home. Actually, to be honest, I was in the forest besides it, but some may say that it was still on his property; I wasn't really sure whether I was actually on it or not, but nonetheless I was close to their house and listening intensely.

_Like I said: Stalker. _

I'd reached my destination of Forks only two days after I'd left the Cullen house. I wanted to be close to Charlie and Renée, and I wanted it fast. It felt odd to know that Bella existed, even though she didn't yet. It was.. yeah, like a said, truly odd.

To be honest, though, that wasn't the real reason I was here. I wanted to be close to them in case something threatened to terminate Renée's pregnancy. That way I could protect them if it was necessary.

Forks were a dangerous place.

To the human world it was small and nothing, but to the supernatural words – _my world_ – it was almost the damn capital of weirdness and danger. Both the Quileute werewolves and bypassing nomad vampires loved this city and the surroundings of it. I was surprised the people living here were as oblivious as they were.

I dreaded knowing Bella would grow up here. If she'd have the same lovely flaws she'd always had, she would most likely attach some unwelcoming attention from the supernatural world if she stayed here. I had a feeling this time wouldn't be an exception _at all_. I just hoped – and promised myself – I'd be there to protect her from anything that _shouldn't_ come near her.

I wouldn't let anything hurt her. Not this time. I'd failed too many times to do it this time.

While I was being a creep and stalking the shit out of Charlie and Renée, I was watching them through their minds. I simply needed to keep them safe so that I knew Isabella was safe as well.

Every dead cell in my body was screaming out for her – even though she might not even exist yet; I was clinging to the very idea of her at the moment. I'd take _anything _I could get.

I knew she already did exist – well somehow anyway. Renée was pregnant, very newly pregnant though, but nonetheless pregnant.

And I was being creepy because I was more exciting about it than she was.

She was scared – it was understandable, I knew from experience that such a thing as that could be a surprise. It had mostly always been with Bella and I.

I'd already seen the scene of Renée telling Charlie about the pregnancy in Alice vision, so I knew exactly how it would turn out. Renée clearly didn't. She was more than worried; she'd imagined more than one unhappy scenario in her mind, and it didn't help her nerves the least.

Right now, just like in Alice's vision they were sitting at the dinner table, and Renée wasn't eating anything.

I liked Renée's mind; it had a childish edge to it. She was different from a lot of the minds I'd read. It wasn't exactly hateful if she didn't like anything, just annoyed and that was rare. _Therefore I liked her._

But then there were something about Charlie's mind though. I couldn't quite point out what exactly it was about him, but it was as if his mind was trying to keep me out. I could fight it though, very well in fact, but if I stayed in his mind for too long I'd get a headache. It was weird.

Very weird.

_Too _weird.

I loved it.

I just hoped Bella liked that I wasn't exactly the same as I'd always been.

I could read minds now. I'd woken up this way, and every since that day I'd had all these voices in my head. I'd never been able to shut them out no matter how much I tried.

But Charlie's mind was different; it was fighting the best it could to keep me out. To me it felt so much like a paradox: I'd wanted to tune out the voices of the human mind for so many years, and now the only mind in which I didn't feel welcome of some sort, was trying to keep me out, and I was desperate to stay in it.

I think I must have been a masochist because I'd liked the headache it gave me, and it obliviously fought me back for breaking an entrance.

The last time I'd had a headache, was the day after my 16th birthday in 1917 and I had woken up with a hangover. Somehow I wanted this headache because it made me feel human; I'd grasp the humanity I could suck up until I'd meet Bella. Maybe she wouldn't even like my vampire side, so therefore I'd have to be as human as possible. Even though I didn't have an inch human left in me.

Having a headache as a vampire just wasn't normal, though I seemed to prove it wrong. It was impossible since you'd have enough capacity in your mind to cope with your surroundings, meaning you'd be able to suck up all the information around you, and save it forever. That's a lot of place.

But then there were Charlie, who made it possible for a vampire to have a headache. It was fascinating.

Jesus.. _Humans_.. Couldn't live _with_ them, and couldn't live _without_ them. I'd never understand them even though I'd been a human more times than them.

I couldn't' wait to live with Bella though. Human or not. I'd take anything she could give me.

.. And read _her_ mind as well, that is.

It made me smile each and every time I thought about how it would be like to read her mind. For centuries I'd wished I could read her mind. It would have made several situations _much_ different.

Women were sometimes a mystery, and Bella wasn't an exception to that unwritten rule of womanhood. I could start telling you about all the times she'd told me she was fine and really wasn't, or all the times she'd started cried without any reason. It scared the shit out of me when she did that. I always thought something was wrong when she cried, but truthfully, there rarely was anything wrong at all.

Except her weird need to say she was fine when she really wasn't.

You would have thought I'd learned the reason behind ever woman saying they're fine when they really aren't, even after all these years inside their heads, but nope.. _nothing_. I was still wondering why they did that when they really weren't.

Thankfully I only had to deal with one hysterical woman once in a while, and I would for nothing in the world change her.

I couldn't wait until Bella would be all hysterical again. It was a part of who she was, and I freaking loved it. Plus to be honest I was becoming rather well at dealing with her when she was scaring the shit out of me. Weird, yes, but I loved it.

God, I missed her.

Beyond words.

If I could cry; I would be doing just exactly that – all the time.

I was standing in the forest behind Renée and Charlie's little house; two bedrooms, and a bathroom; rather cute actually. I couldn't help but think how I thought Bella would like this house. She would have wanted us to have a house like that. I was certain of that. If she'd want a house like this when we'd meet again, I'd sure as hell give her a house like this; especially now that I could afford one.

I'd do everything to see her beautiful smile again; if a house could bring that smile upon her face I so deathly missed, I'd buy every house in the world like this.

As the masochist I was I tuned in on Charlie's thoughts again and tried to concentrate.

Renée was telling him she was pregnant.

I couldn't help but smile. You could say I liked Renée and Charlie – they were after all the reason why I'd even get to see Bella again.

I watched the episode take place as it had in Alice's vision, and as they had their moment I disappeared back into the woods and started running back towards Cullen House on the other side of little town. No one knew I was even back in town. I paid the small amount of electricity I used and that was about it. It wasn't nearly enough to make people think someone actually stayed in the house.

As I listened to the last thoughts of Charlie and Renée's before they tuned out, I thought about the last time Bella had told me she was pregnant.

It was early September morning in 1918.

She was nervous about tell me that time. Bella had finally found the courage to tell me we were having a baby and I was under no circumstances disappointed or angry as she feared I might be. It was odd given the fact I'd never been upset when she'd told me she was pregnant. I could never be like that when it came to babies. Hell, I worshipped Bella and everything she could give me.

We didn't have a lot of money back in 1918, and the house we lived in – if you could even call it a house – wasn't that big. It reminded me a lot of Charlie and Renée's house to be honest, though the little house we lived in was a great deal smaller than their two bedrooms.

Ours only had one bedroom and the small room we used for our clothes and personal belongings we had to turn into a small nursery when we knew we'd have a baby living with us as well. It might have been small, but it was our little Haven.

The house belonged to my grandparents and we were going to stay there until we could afford a place of our own. I was saving every dime that could possibly be spared so that I could pay for our house myself. My father own a law firm, and I worked as a clerk there. It was nothing – and my father certainly wasn't proud, but it was his idea. He kept saying I was in a hurry to marry, which was stupid, but he never understood love anyway.

The job was horrid, but the money was _good _compared to the fact I had next to none education. I paid for our wedding myself, and the money I earned was enough to make everything go around as it should.

My grandfather passed away three week before our wedding. My grandmother was in a retiring home where nurses could take care of her, and because the house belonged to her, she gave it to us when we got married. She adored me and I her.

Bella was suborn of course, she always was. She so desperately wanted to work. She wanted to be independent but I wouldn't let her. It wasn't common for women to work in another job than teachers jobs back then, and a job like that would take too much of her time when we'd have a baby. It would be impossible. At least that was what I told her. Truthfully, I feared if she got job a man would try to take advantage of her, and I would under no circumstances let an opportunity like that open up.

Truth be told I wanted to turn her into a teddy bear and spend every day we had together cuddling. That way I knew I'd always be there to keep her safe.

She was annoyed when I turned her down to go job hunting. My mother had promised she'd help, so it calmed Bella's nerves to the edge. At least she stopped worrying for a little while.

We didn't use birth control. It just wasn't something you did back then and quickly after our marriage she was pregnant. We'd been married for two months when she'd found out.

I guess my swimmers were just _that_ eager.

Yes, I was surprised, but Bella and I rarely really had time for ourselves in a new life together before our children came along. Children always came along quickly.

Back then you made love a lot – mostly out of love, want, desire and the need to feel each other close to one another, and then sometimes to keep warm as well – and children happened.

There never was a child we didn't love unconditionally. _Never_. Yes, sometimes it had been hard to support the family, but somehow we always managed to get through. Even in the darkest of times.

Bella was my rock. She was my everything, and there wasn't anything better than waking up in the morning finding my wife and our four-seven children in bed next to me.

I always wondered how exactly I managed to sleep through the rustling of all our children plus my wife in our always relatively small beds. The nights that were hardest were the first couple of weeks with a newborn baby. It was hard, and for Bella it was even worse. Sometimes I wondered if she even got any sleep at all. Each and every day I got back from work I'd find her on the sofa sleeping; most of the time she had half of our children sleeping on her, or near her as well. I always rushed her into bed, so that she could get some sleep. In those hours she slept and honestly, I think it was all the sleep she got.

I always wondered how she managed to stay the way she was. She was always smiling, and kissing away boo-boo's no matter how tired she looked.

I wouldn't have changed any of the times we'd been together for the world though. Each and every time we had together, always taught us lessons to remember; things we'd cherish together as soon as we'd start to grow older and our children would grow up around us like trees in a new forest as well. We'd be there to experience those moments together, and we'd love each and every one of them simply because of the fact we were together when we learned.

Eventually all we'd have left was each other, and around that time we were almost leaving to be re-born again.

I felt a familiar feeling of loneliness rush off me like it was rain falling from the sky on a cloudy day, thinking about the memories we'd had together. All I saw was the fact I was running through this forest all alone.

I wanted more than anything to have her with me right now. I'd give anything to have the wish come true. I couldn't live without her, and being in the world right now and knowing she wasn't, was killing me.

It literally hurt me. It stung my heart and my soul to be without her.

It was a constant reminder of what I was missing. I'd never been able to live without her, and this time I'd been forced into living without her while waiting.

It hurt so badly I wondered how I'd even been able to survive the pain.

I mostly walked around with a constant stomach ache all the time. Not the humans' kind stomach ache, this was the endless "I miss the other half of me" kind of aches.

Sometimes I felt so lonely I wondered why I even tried to endure this pain from the beginning. It would have been easier to give it all up a long time ago.

I knew I would have given up if it hadn't been for Carlisle.

He knew how to keep me up, and knew that I'd have to wait until Bella was re-born again to go look for her. I'd possibly even have to wait two lifetimes before I could start looking for her again.

It was pure pain waiting, and Carlisle knew how badly it hurt me.

Only a year and a half after I was changed he added Esme to our coven. She was the only person he'd ever been in love with, and he knew that as well. Not a day since he'd treated her as a 16-year had he gone by where she'd not been on his mind. She was always there with him, and they were very lucky when they met again. They quickly got married, and the pain of being alone grew bigger and worse.

And then along came Rosalie, and it didn't exactly help much.

I knew Carlisle was hoping Rosalie and I could cheer each other up a bit. We were equally miserable, lonely and not to forget angry because of what had happen. Okay, well I wasn't exactly angry, but Rosalie sure as hell was. Carlisle was hoping we could become close friends, and better and hopefully one day happier.

Rosalie then found Emmett not that long after she was changed, and things really changed for the better.

Emmett was a genius.

He had humor and cheered everything up.

Things changed after Emmett came into the family, it was much more fun to actually be alive, and to wait as well.

Lucky for me the wait was almost over now.


End file.
